In Groucho's name we play...

Me: *editing a Flailthrough* You keep switching tenses.
Boyfriend: Yeah, I do that.
Boyfriend's brother: Well you know, he's very tense.
Me: ... That's awful.
Boyfriend: Oh come on, we're way past tense, we're living in houses now.

How strangely well timed

My mother lives about nine hundred miles away, give or take, just to give you a little bit of perspective with this one.

~~~~
Boyfriend: Tell your mother you won't come visit unless she rents a limo.
Boyfriend's brother: A limo made of smaller limos!
Boyfriend: I want a limo made of clown cars.
Me: I want a limo made entirely out of clowns... but they all have to be facing outward.
Boyfriend: That would be the most horrifying limo ever.
Boyfriend's brother: For other people, since they're all facing out.
Boyfriend: No, because then you'd be on the side of the asses of a thousand clowns.

I'm pretty sure this was in reference to pokemon...

Boyfriend: They see me rollin'... they squeein'

His brain is full of duck, apparently

Me: You gonna shower?
Boyfriend: I dunno... I'm still kinda... ducks on that.

That doesn't even make SENSE!

This one I think needs a bit of explanation. After Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days (which no matter what ANYONE says, with the way that is written it should either be 'three hundred fifty-eight half days', or 'three hundred fifty-eight over two days') came out, we could not help but mock it horribly for its weird title, and the fact that we can never remember it (seriously, I had to look at the box to type the title). Around the house it became known by wide variety of epithets, including Kingdom Hearts 3 tablespoons of shortening and a sack full of Etch a sketches. Even though the latest sequel, which is actually a prequal, has a relatively normal name, Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep, the damage has been done. With that in mind, enjoy!

~~~~

Boyfriend: When does Kingdom Hearts Kaleidoscopic Enema Bag come out?

He's just SO damn PUNNY!

Boyfriend: *hits me with a teddy bear*
Me: o.o ... what was that for?
Boyfriend: I had to make sure you weren't unbearable.
Me: >.< I hate you.
Boyfriend: I'm sorry, do you find my puns hard to bear?
Me: *grab my teddy bear by the head and smack him with it*
Boyfriend: Aaaah! You're beating me with your bear feet!

Boyfriend: That hurt all the way up around my head, down the other side to my hip.
Boyfriend's brother: Ah, a rainbow of pain...
Boyfriend: Yes, it was a painbow.

Truly these are words of wisdom.

Boyfriend: If you're eating Jesus Christ, then that's one holy shit the next morning.

Song parodies ahoy!

Boyfriend: *to the tune of 'Everyday'* Every day, goblins in your butt crack~!

Told you I would

So here's the second post today, to make up for me missing Sunday. Enjoy this deep thought.

~~~~~~~

Boyfriend: They call it Herpes Simplex, but really, it's quite complicated.

Woops... is it earlier enough to still count as yesterday?

Well it's still early, so I'll leave you with a thought, and then post again later today.

~~~~~~

Boyfriend: Well as a wise man once said... Bidoof watches you sleep.

Thank you Law and Order...

Boyfriend: Ah, there's nothing like watching parents fighting over the custody of a child.

Creepy...

Today's quote isn't from my boyfriend, but from his brother. We all have a habit of snarking at commercial, and while I don't remember what commercial this was, it was pretty damn funny.

~~~~~~~~~

Boyfriend's brother: What if she's out there... watching... waiting... to collect your SCALP.

On the subject of Pokewalkers

Boyfriend: All it does is beep and tell you you're a fat ass.

Boyfriend: You're beeping out my shame!

Um... just no

Boyfriend: I'mma rub squid in your eyebrows.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: Then they'll stick, and you'll have eyebrow squids.

... That explains SO much, really...

Me: Yeah, you think?
Boyfriend: I don't think! I smell!

What is this, I don't even.

Boyfriend: It feels like someone just suddenly poked me in the eye with the sleepy banana.

What... do those two even have in common?

Boyfriend: I should have known it... you're secretly a zombie... or possibly a cuttlefish.

It would?

Boyfriend: It would sound like slapping a cow with a wet slice of ham.

I don't THINK that's what that is...

Boyfriend: I'm going to try some of this V8 Blood of Australian Children.
Boyfriend's bother: O.o WHAT?
Boyfriend: V8 Splash. *takes a sip* Mm, Australian Children.

Dreams can be fun... or insane.

Boyfriend: *talking to me (and yes, I'm a girl) about a dream* If it makes you feel any better, you had a big penis.

I think he's using the parts of a sentence wrong...

Boyfriend: And after I finish verbing this noun... and adjectiving this transitive verb.

Wait... what?

Me: I'm hungry, but I have to do dishes before I can sate that hunger.
Boyfriend: Well if it makes you feel any better, albino turtles keep poking my butt crack.

Sorry for the missed day XD;

Sorry, yesterday was busy, and it slipped my mind. Have the last of the mangled Spanish quotes to make up for it.

~~~~~~~

Boyfriend: El conquistador de la gracias.
Translation: The conqueror of the thanks.

Boyfriend: No mas gato con verde.
Translation: No more cat with green.

Boyfriend: Mi hermanos con queso.
Translation: My (singular) brothers with cheese.

Boyfriend: Los pantelones de muerte!!
Translation: The pants of death!!

Mangnish

Boyfriend: No mas que ahora el gato fuego

Translation: No more what time the fire cat.

Mangnish

Boyfriend: Yo quiero el gato con fuego.

Translation: I want the cat with fire.

Mangnish

Boyfriend: Que ahora, un tortuga?

Translation: What time, a (masculine) turtle?

Mangnish

Mangled + Spanish = Mangnish

So like most people, my boyfriend knows various words in Spanish... but has absolutely no concept of grammar, syntax, or anything else that makes a language coherent. I took Spanish for three years in High School (which technically made me fluent) but because I never use it, I lost a lot of it, though I retain grammar, syntax, ect. So in a concentrated effort to drive me insane (he does this in English too) he throws together random nonsensical sentences. So please enjoy this run of crazy Spanish. I will be providing translations... and believe me, they take nothing away.

~~~~~~~

Boyfriend: Son las el pequito borro.
Me: ... They are the, female plural, the, singular male, donkey tiny.
Boyfriend's brother: *without skipping a beat* Ah, Donkey Tiny, not as popular as Donkey Kong.