This... doesn't really follow, does it?

Me: Why do you have to destroy my dreams!?
Boyfriend: Because I destroyed the coconut's dreams... of being a horse.

I don't know what he is anymore...

Me: *to bf's brother* You're a scholar and a gentleman.
Boyfriend: I'm a squid and a jungle gym!
Me: You sure are...

Wait a minute...

Me: Does my hair look stupid? *shows off short, braided pigtails*
Boyfriend: You look SO German right now... like you should be walking through the Alps, holding mugs of hot chocolate.
Me: ... That's Swiss.
Boyfriend: Whatever, Germans have chocolate too.
Me: ... The Alps aren't even IN Germany!
Boyfriend: Well they WOULD have been, if Germany had won the war...

...Bortening?

Boyfriend: This spread is a combination of shortening and butter.
Boyfriend's brother: Shutter!
Boyfriend: Beep!
Boyfriend's brother: ...no, that'd be a combination of butter and sheep.

Sometimes we don't see eye to eye...

Boyfriend: I should have killed you.
Me: What?!
Boyfriend: I said I love you.
Me: No you didn't! You said you should have killed me! Not only do you want me dead, you're lying to me! *sniff* I don't know what's worse!
Boyfriend: But that's what love is! What did YOU think it was?
Me: Being honest and NOT wanting someone dead!
Boyfriend: ... Yeah, I can see how that would work too.

... Wat?

Boyfriend: I prefer to think of the Australian accent as the coccyx, it's just a remnant of evolution that will eventually disappear. I mean Australia IS where all the evolution happens.

I'm crazy too, you know...

Boyfriend: *hugging me* Who's my little dingo?
Me: Do I get to eat babies?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Me: YAY! I'm your little dingo~!