I don't want that at all!

Boyfriend: It's like a flavor explosion testicle!

Sounds about right...

Me: Your FACE is a display piece.
Boyfriend: Your MOM'S a display piece! 'Whores across history'.

Um... hooray?

Boyfriend: I'm squeezing a giant gonad of hot sauce!

It's very ANGRY lovin'

Boyfriend: All Morbo's lovin'...
Me: What if I don't WANT Morbo's lovin'?
Boyfriend: *deadpan* That is not an option.

Why cannibalism is a bad idea...

Me: Noooooo! You're gonna eat me!
Boyfriend: No, I wouldn't eat you... I'd get stuff stuck in my teeth.
Me: *stares*
Boyfriend: Like... splanc-tic ganglion.

He has a point, actually...

Me: I don't even know why I'm writing this...
Boyfriend: Your mother's a whore.
Me: ... Good answer.
Boyfriend: It's a good answer for most questions. "What time is it?" "Your mother's a whore." "What's for dinner?" "Your mother's a whore."

He's impervious to sarcasm sometimes...

Me: Oh wow, the directions are combine one cup water, one cup sugar, and boil until combined.
Boyfriend: Yes that IS pretty simple.
Me: *sarcastically* I wonder if that's why they call it that.
Boyfriend: Complex syrup involves psychic powers.