Overheard from AngeliqueDaemon on her way home:

Girlfriend: There's nothing to do in an airport bar.
Boyfriend: Nothing you'd want to do, anyway. All you can really do is pick up Airport Bar Skanks, which are the lowest form of Bar Skanks besides your mom.

She IS weird...

Boyfriend: You know what else is weird? Your MOM! Her existence is weird... because a black hole isn't supposed to have a mass.

Pretty sure that's not how it goes...

Boyfriend: *singing* As I went down to the river to pray, studying about your mom's a whore.

I don't think that's how evolution works...

Boyfriend: Your MOM'S an ugly duckling... except she's not a swan... she's an ugly duckling who grew up to be a beluga whale... who in turn will grow up to be Charlie Sheen... if she's not ALREADY Charlie Sheen. We haven't seen a picture of her in over a year...

Sounds about right...

Me: Your FACE is a display piece.
Boyfriend: Your MOM'S a display piece! 'Whores across history'.

He has a point, actually...

Me: I don't even know why I'm writing this...
Boyfriend: Your mother's a whore.
Me: ... Good answer.
Boyfriend: It's a good answer for most questions. "What time is it?" "Your mother's a whore." "What's for dinner?" "Your mother's a whore."

What does that even MEAN?!

Boyfriend: Your mother is a polarizing squid dweomer.
Me: ... What?!
Boyfriend: Well apparently your mother is a polarizing squid dweomer. *shrug*

Sadly accurate

Boyfriend: *playing with new computer case* I don't even know what these do...
Me: I don't even know what your FACE does!
Boyfriend: It's like your mom, it doesn't do anything, it's just THERE, and makes loud noises.

Sadly, not.

Me: I think the next time I play through, I'm gonna play through as an elf.
Boyfriend: I think the next time I play through, I'm gonna play through as YOUR MOM!
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: Oh wait, there's no option to play through as an ogre.

She's the REAL archdemon...

Boyfriend: What bothers me the most about the radial menu is your mother's a whore.

Kinda does, actually...

Boyfriend: Pork ball... that sounds like a name your mother would have...

It's true

Me: Shut up, I'm tired.
Boyfriend: Your mom's a tire.
Me: Heh, yeah.
Boyfriend: She's been around and around and around and around and around.

Is... that... what?

Boyfriend: Sometimes in life, you have to... rub donkeys with cream cheese....
Me: ... Any particular reason?
Boyfriend: Your mom.

He never listens...

Boyfriend: Cottleston pie?
Me: Your FACE is Cottleston pie!
Boyfriend: Your MOM is cottage cheese pie!
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: That's where you take cottage cheese and lard...
Me: Stop talking.
Boyfriend: Mix it together, and then bake it between two tires with no tread left on them.

I don't think that's how it goes...

Boyfriend: Cottleston Cottleston pie, a fly can't bird, but your mother's a whore.

Sometimes he grosses us BOTH out.

Me: My hands smell like lunch meat.
Boyfriend: Your MOM smells like lunch meat!
Both of us: *stare at each other, noses wrinkling at the thought*
Boyfriend: Never mind.

I actually meant that his mom was a creeper...

Me: *looking at Soul Sand* Yeah you're right, it has little creeper faces in it... like your mom.
Boyfriend: More like YOUR mom's vagina! They're wandering around in there going 'We can't do any more damage than has already been done! It's ALL bedrock in here.'

It's true

Boyfriend: Your mom is made entirely out of cellulite and syphilis.
Me: Syphullite!
Boyfriend: I was about to say the same thing.

It's true

Me: We used to scare the shit out of Mom by making frog noises.
Boyfriend: Why?
Me: Because she's scared of reptiles and amphibians... or are you asking why we did it?
Boyfriend: No, I know why you did... but she's fucking bigoted against her own people. Self hate is the worst kind of hate.

I love these conversations...

Boyfriend: *makes a horrifying shrieking noise* That's my impression of your mom as she swoops down on sheep... and not just normal sheep, PREHISTORIC SHEEP, so they're just all horns and no wool. She disembowels them with her MIGHTY TALONS, before stretching out her labia and flapping away... She's a whore-adactyl!
Friend: She rolls out her labia like a butterfly and flies away. She is the Quetzalcoatl the Aztecs worshiped... except they called her Quetzalcuntl.