It's not all kittens and rainbows and cephalopods, you know

First of all, I'm feeling better, which means I shall now become verbose. My apologies in advance.

Now as we all know, there are no perfect relationships, unless one or both parties are robots with no soul. So needless to say, there are many, many things he does to annoy me, and vice versa. So in tribute to that fact, here are some things he says when I do something he considers mean.

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Boyfriend: And that's why I rub the cat's vagina on you while you sleep.

Boyfriend: I put squids in your butt while you sleep...
Me: *eyes narrow*
Boyfriend: ... You know... because you always said you wanted tentacles...