She IS weird...

Boyfriend: You know what else is weird? Your MOM! Her existence is weird... because a black hole isn't supposed to have a mass.

I'm sure there's more than that...

Boyfriend: It's Colorado! All that's there is skis and snow! They don't even have HOUSES, it's just piled up skies!

Pretty sure that's not how it goes...

Boyfriend: *singing* As I went down to the river to pray, studying about your mom's a whore.

I don't think that's how evolution works...

Boyfriend: Your MOM'S an ugly duckling... except she's not a swan... she's an ugly duckling who grew up to be a beluga whale... who in turn will grow up to be Charlie Sheen... if she's not ALREADY Charlie Sheen. We haven't seen a picture of her in over a year...

Preach it honey...

Boyfriend: Because cheese is the food of the gods... madgods.

It's what the little bear REALLY means

Boyfriend: Hi, I'm Snuggle... *monster voice* AND I WILL DESTROY YOU!

It's true though...

Boyfriend: *playing The Sims 3* You're BABIES! You don't have PERSONALITIES! Yuor personalities are POOP and SLEEP!