Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Crazy Shit Her Boyfriend Says

I'm her boyfriend's brother, so I'm no stranger to the crazy. This one goes back a while but it's still my favorite conversation with him:

 Boyfriend: I'm trying to remember a specific name. It sounds kind of like "Cardinal Dik-dik McGuffin," but that's not it.

Brother(without skipping a beat): Bishop Desmond Tutu.

Boyfriend: YES.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Mangled movie quotes

Boyfriend: Just when I thought I was out... they send an army of flying monkey-squids after me.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Me: *after eating an ice cream bar* Aaaaw, apparently my stick didn't win this contest.
Boyfriend: Clearly your stick in an underachiever.

Friday, August 27, 2010

And in other news

Both of us are a little hard of hearing, depending on which ear is facing the other person (aren't we sad?), which leads to a lot of "What?" and "Huh?" in a conversation. This information may, or may not help make sense of today's quote... thought more than likely not. Enjoy~!


Me: Mm, shrapnel.
Boyfriend: What?
Me: Shrapnel!
Boyfriend: Oh, see, that's what I thought you said... but my butt has played tricks on me before.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Ah, the white noise...

The television never really goes off around here, much to my chagrin. (Yes, I'm one of those freaks that doesn't care for TV, and enjoys quiet.) So we often hear random things, and feel the need to comment. So we get things like today's post. Enjoy~!


Boyfriend: *in response to a commercial* My doctor told me I should do more for my cholesterol... so I took it out to dinner.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Here's another extra special glimpse into our lives

Both my boyfriend and I love to put our own lyrics into songs, me especially when I dislike the song, and him just randomly because it's what he does. So please enjoy this mangled chestnut.


Boyfriend: *to the tune of 'Let It Be' by the Beatles* Squirrel pee, squirrel pee, squirrel pee, squirrel pee. Whisper words of urine... squirrel pee.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I've got another busy day ahead...

And I just woke up, and I'm kinda out of it. So this comment fits rather well. Enjoy~!


Boyfriend: I am so zombie right now.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Early post today

I've got a lot of things lined up today, so I figured I'd post now so I don't have the 11:30 rush to post before midnight.

Since I've got some time, I'd like to point out the new banner. See? Things are slowly getting better around here. I still need to work on making other people capable of posting though. We're looking into that, I promise.

So anyway, about today's post, this is another bundle one, and I'll explain why. My boyfriend loves to do random projects. I swear he has a MacGyver lobe in his brain, that causes him to do this crazy crap. Have you ever seen the Kludges website on the Cheeseburger Network? Yeah, like that... aaaaaaaaaall the time. So in response to this handyman tendency of winning fail (it almost always works, but it's uuuuuuuuuuugly!) now we have quotes from when he's poked while in the middle of a project. Enjoy~!


Boyfriend: I'm trying to figure out how to get into this thing to rip out its brain.


Boyfriend: You'll have to forgive me, I'm currently trying to disassemble twenty year old technology and rearrange it in different colors. This is vitally important.
Me: To what?
Boyfriend: ... Colors?

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Sorry, it's been a busy day

Not much explanation for this one... I don't really know how to make sense of this, and even if I gave you the whole conversation, it still would not make sense, trust me. So here you go. Enjoy~!


Boyfriend: I love green jello... but I'd never waste it on a cactus. They can die.

Saturday, August 21, 2010


Sorry, I almost missed the post today. Sorry, it's been busy. Speaking of busy, here's a random comment about birth control. Enjoy~!


Boyfriend: The Venn Diagram... much more effective than the Venn Diaphram.
Me: *facepalm*
Boyfriend: It's a series of circles.

Friday, August 20, 2010

It's not all kittens and rainbows and cephalopods, you know

First of all, I'm feeling better, which means I shall now become verbose. My apologies in advance.

Now as we all know, there are no perfect relationships, unless one or both parties are robots with no soul. So needless to say, there are many, many things he does to annoy me, and vice versa. So in tribute to that fact, here are some things he says when I do something he considers mean.


Boyfriend: And that's why I rub the cat's vagina on you while you sleep.

Boyfriend: I put squids in your butt while you sleep...
Me: *eyes narrow*
Boyfriend: ... You know... because you always said you wanted tentacles...

Thursday, August 19, 2010

We're all bozos on this bus

Another short explanation, because I have a headache again... and I think trying to explain this particular comment would be like trying to stick a killer whale into a sardine tin. So check your logic and common sense at the door, and enjoy.


Boyfriend: That's like... sudden onset midgetry!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

My head a'splode!

Shh... I have a migraine. This white screen isn't helping, so I'm going to make this short and sweet. Here's a peek into the 'creative process', if you can call it that, that results in the boyfriend's comments. It is not, of course, how all of them happen, but certainly quite a few. Enjoy.


Boyfriend: When I'm sleepy, the filter between my mouth and the rest of my brain goes away... It's like making coffee without a filter, except instead of coffee grounds, you get crazy grounds!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Tuesday isn't gone yet...

Oh my gumball! Is that a Lynyrd Skynyrd reference?! It is! I'm all old up ins!

Wait, what? I don't know, I couldn't think of a clever title, and then I tried to be witty. Sorry, I'll try not to do it again.

Anyway, a week ago today, I had an impacted wisdom tooth pulled. I won't go into the pain and fail of that, but long story short, I couldn't, and still can't, use my Listerine to gargle before bed. So to make my mouth feel less gross, I got a couple little bottle of spearmint breath drops. I had just finished changing into my pajamas when I walked into the following conversation. Enjoy.


Boyfriend: I want to take a lot of these little breath drops, and just put them in a shot glass. I want to see how mint I can get.
Boyfriend's brother: So you want to try to make it come out of your eyes?
Boyfriend: I want to see into the mint!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Swimming in a sea of crazy

Still working on the layout, but 1) I'm lazy, and 2) I'm not the one that actually does anything where that's concerned, I'm just the author. I'll try to find ways to make the place look a bit more interesting.

Anyway, onto the potential funny. I'm going to put up two comments again today, and one will involve my boyfriend, and the other will involve me... neither will involve both of us. (It's like a freaking word problem up in here!) Don't worry, I'll tell you the common denominator right now: crazy people. I thought that perhaps I should give you a bit of insight into both, why we're weird, and also why I in particular, find this particular brand of insanity desirable. The quote from my boyfriend involves an ex of his, which I thought was perhaps the best anecdote I had ever heard at the time, and mine involves a girlfriend of mine that I have known since I was little, and grew up with. Enjoy~


Ex-girlfriend: If you cheat on a video game, then you'll cheat on a woman!
Boyfriend: That's ok, the game won't know I'm doing it either.


Me: Oh yeah, I want to go see that for my birthday.
Girlfriend: When is your birthday again? July fourth?
Me: No, it's the second... but most people assume it's the fourth.
Girlfriend: Ah, yeah... What's on July fourth?
Me: ... *stare, start cackling*
Girlfriend: *blink, facepalm* THE FOURTH OF JULY!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Step into my Tardis~

Still planning to work on prettying up the site, still getting things in order. Sorry.

Two today, because they were on a related subject.


Me: Baby, I love you with all of my heart, and I know it'll never come up... but just in case it does, I WILL leave you for David Tennant.
Boyfriend: That's ok, so would I.


Boyfriend: That's where you just... hypnotize yourself and convince yourself that you're David Tennant.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Starting up

Hello, and welcome to Crazy Shit My Boyfriend Says. As I'm sure you can tell from the name, this is dedicated to, and inspired by, the weird shit that comes out of my significant other's mouth. Now every once in a while, I'll add things someone else has said, if it amuses me enough, but the lion's share will all come from the same person.

Now I'm sure eventually someone will come up with the hypothesis that my boyfriend is on drugs. He isn't, he's just weird. It's a good quality.

I do plan to open this up for other people to post their own funny stories, but... I'm just starting up, so forgive me? Prettification and posts coming soon. The latter I'll start on now, just to give you a taste. I will admit some of these will be out of context, but... even in context, they don't make a lot of sense.


Me: It's pretty humid... and that's ME saying.
Boyfriend: Yeah, and you're from Florida... where it averaged 400% humidity. =D We call that swimming.