...Bortening?

Boyfriend: This spread is a combination of shortening and butter.
Boyfriend's brother: Shutter!
Boyfriend: Beep!
Boyfriend's brother: ...no, that'd be a combination of butter and sheep.

Sometimes we don't see eye to eye...

Boyfriend: I should have killed you.
Me: What?!
Boyfriend: I said I love you.
Me: No you didn't! You said you should have killed me! Not only do you want me dead, you're lying to me! *sniff* I don't know what's worse!
Boyfriend: But that's what love is! What did YOU think it was?
Me: Being honest and NOT wanting someone dead!
Boyfriend: ... Yeah, I can see how that would work too.

... Wat?

Boyfriend: I prefer to think of the Australian accent as the coccyx, it's just a remnant of evolution that will eventually disappear. I mean Australia IS where all the evolution happens.

I'm crazy too, you know...

Boyfriend: *hugging me* Who's my little dingo?
Me: Do I get to eat babies?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Me: YAY! I'm your little dingo~!

She IS weird...

Boyfriend: You know what else is weird? Your MOM! Her existence is weird... because a black hole isn't supposed to have a mass.

I'm sure there's more than that...

Boyfriend: It's Colorado! All that's there is skis and snow! They don't even have HOUSES, it's just piled up skies!

Pretty sure that's not how it goes...

Boyfriend: *singing* As I went down to the river to pray, studying about your mom's a whore.

I don't think that's how evolution works...

Boyfriend: Your MOM'S an ugly duckling... except she's not a swan... she's an ugly duckling who grew up to be a beluga whale... who in turn will grow up to be Charlie Sheen... if she's not ALREADY Charlie Sheen. We haven't seen a picture of her in over a year...

Preach it honey...

Boyfriend: Because cheese is the food of the gods... madgods.

It's what the little bear REALLY means

Boyfriend: Hi, I'm Snuggle... *monster voice* AND I WILL DESTROY YOU!

It's true though...

Boyfriend: *playing The Sims 3* You're BABIES! You don't have PERSONALITIES! Yuor personalities are POOP and SLEEP!