Sunday, July 31, 2011

The difference is I actually LIKE dragons

Boyfriend: I'd say your mom, but you already said dragon.
Me: Don't insult dragons!!
Boyfriend: You're right... bog troll!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - 'Quick, say something in Spanish!'

Me: Rapido, dices algo en espanol!
Boyfriend: Mi no es habla el parable en espanol por... *twiddles fingers* Rapido... Decir.
Me: "My isn't speaks the word in Spanish for quick to talk". I think that's what you said anyway.

Friday, July 29, 2011

It's a good question...

Boyfriend: So I saw the commercial for Kidz Bop, and they got to a little kid singing 'The Lazy Song," and I thought, "Gee what are they gonna change the line 'I'm gonna meet a really nice girl, have some really nice sex'? 'I'm gonna meet a really nice priest'?"

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Apparently in Texas they eat fingers...

Me: Woah! We're not trying to put FINGERS in this tomato sauce.
Boyfriend: Yeah, we're not in Texas.
Me: ... Do they... put fingers in their tomato sauce in Texas?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Me: ... Why?
Boyfriend: Fingers.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

It hurts where the TMNT reference is...

Me: The funny part is, it doesn't even hurt where the splinter is.
Boyfriend: Yeah, it hurts where the Raphael is... and the Michelangelo.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

He's not very good with colors...

Boyfriend: the way I look at it, everything up to and including Tweety Bird is yellow. Everything else is orange.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: Everything up to and including 'not orange'.

Monday, July 25, 2011

This will now be someone's thesis

Boyfriend: I'm pretty Dune was just a really poorly novelized rip off of the Wizard of Oz. They keep mentioning the Golden path, which is the Yellow Brick Road. The Fremen are the munchkins, Baron Harkonnen is the flying monkey, the leader of the Fremen is the wizard, and the Emperor is the wicked witch, because after Paul threatens to add Water of Life to a pre-Spice mound, his empire melted around him. Spice is the ruby slippers because everyone wants to control it.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - His name ISN'T 'rapid'

Boyfriend: Que ahora es? Son las me llamo.
Me: ... What time is it? They are my name?
Boyfriend: Me llamo rapido.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Crazy juice isn't a very popular marinade.

Me: Wait, I'm trying to open the document, but my computer's being slow. So you just sit over there and be quiet and marinate in the crazy juice.
Boyfriend: But it's the season, turn turn turn, for marmalade in your eyeballs, turn turn turn.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I don't think that's what he's supposed to do...

Me: I dunno, maybe, but I might just end up doing what I did last night, and doze off for an hour before waking up and being unable to sleep.
Boyfriend: See the thing is, I'm the Kwisatz haderach, and I'm here to steal all your light bulbs.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Would that be a Japanese store?

Me: I'm ugly.
Boyfriend: If you keep saying that, I'm going to throw squids at you.
Me: You don't have any squids.
Boyfriend: I'll go get some.
Me: ... From... the squid store?
Boyfriend: Yes, Squids R' Us.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - Surprisingly, he's right on both counts

Boyfriend: As a wise man once said, "Yo no quiero queso con pene."
Me: So he didn't want cheese with penis?
Boyfriend: No one does... but still that's better than 'queso del pene'.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - Hopefully never...

Boyfriend: And remember the most important question: Que es el ahora de embarasado?
Me: "What is the now of pregnant?"
Boyfriend: Mm hm.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Ah Minecraft... what?

Boyfriend: You never know! He could run off and tell the other sheep something, and then BAM! Creepers in my ceiling!
Me: So... you're saying Creepers and sheep are working together?
Boyfriend: Hey, both Creepers AND sheep are tricky!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

It's true though...

Boyfriend: Old people worry me more, because they've had time to sit around and get tricky.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

It's really not... if it was, things would be a lot stickier and smellier.

Me: You know, I didn't get stuffy noses like this before I moved up here.
Boyfriend: That's because of the three hundred percent humidity. You see, the air in Florida is actually jello pudding.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

That is NOT what I said!

Me: Alright, let's go to bed.
Boyfriend: Yeah, let's go rub fish gonads in our hair.

Monday, July 11, 2011

I don't think it works that way

Boyfriend: I want to find a way to genetically combine an alligator and a hamster.
Me: Any particular reason?
Boyfriend: Think about it, people are always making alligator skin handbags and purses, then if it had like, those cheek pouches like a hamsters it'd be like... I dunno, some kinda goddamn subspace right there.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - Sometimes he actuallt makes sense

Boyfriend:B Well as a wise man once said, "Su pantelones esta aqui.'
Me: *stare in shock*
Boyfriend: What?
Me: You realized what you just said was actually perfectly grammatically correct, and made sense, right?
Boyfriend: ... Well shit... What did I say?
Me: His, or her, pants are here.
Boyfriend: Ah... so THAT'S why you were staring.
Me: Yes.

Friday, July 8, 2011

He needs to get those two straight.

Boyfriend: He's not covered in nearly enough scales to be a crocodile... unlike your MOM.
Me: Don't be silly, she's in Florida, that would make her an alligator.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Wait... what?

Boyfriend: Well if it's that he's overslept, then I'm gonna need a duck, and two cubic feet of twine. That way I can reverse time.
Me: ........... How?
Boyfriend: I'm not entirely sure yet, but I'm pretty sure centrifugal force will come into play, and possible the Bernulli principle... or whatever it's called. Maybe it's the Cockern principle, in which case I'll accidentally invent the warp drive...I'm pretty sure that's the secret to faster than light travel, spinning ducks. They did try the same theory atone point with a couple swans and scotch tape, but that just created a black hole... a small one. That's how, you know, Santa Clause got his beard.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Sometimes in life, crustaceans?

Boyfriend: He was up kinda... *flailing incoherent gesture*
Me: ... Use your words, dear.
Boyfriend: Lobsters.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Are those the same tubes the interwebs use?

Me: Why don't you just go to sleep?
Boyfriend: The tubes... in the air... full of ice cream... and wizards.
Me: ... *stare*
Boyfriend: See, if I go to bed, the tubes full of ice cream and wizards will clog.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - It's all about the cheese...

Boyfriend: Queso de la Fernando.
Me: Cheese of the (feminine) Fernando?
Boyfriend: Yes... It should've been "Queso del Fernando," huh?
Me: Yeah.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Mangnish Weekends

Me: *mimicking a commercial* Porque no los dos?
Boyfriend: Porque el fumar es un arroz!
Me: ... Because the to smoke is a rice?
Boyfriend: *shrugs* Es en fuego.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Doctor Who reference alert.

Me: Your FACE is weird!
Boyfriend: Your MOM'S a... face...
Me: <.< My mom's the Face of Bo
Boyfriend: She's just a huge, shriveled old face in a jar... with pinwheels sticking out of it from all angles... and a TV antennae for no reason.... three eyes, one socket... and a nose in the other socket... midgets on tricycles orbiting around her...