If... you say so?

Me: I don't think narwhals are greasy...
Boyfriend: Well they LOOK greasy.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: What? They're a huge unicorn/penis hybrid! You can't tell me they aren't covered in grease!
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: Sorry, I mean unicorn/SALMON/ penis hybrid... *looks up pictures* Or maybe lake trout...

That woudl make anyone's argument invalid, yes...

Me: *blinks at a commercial* OH! B-A-R-E! Bare-skin condoms...
Boyfriend: *stares* You know... even if I didn't use them, I think I'd have to have bear-skin condoms. *shakes fist* "My penis is wrapped in BEARS! Your argument is invalid!"

No, no it hasn't...

Boyfriend: I really, REALLY want to go shower...
Me: Then do so?
Boyfriend: I can't! Because then Judge Judy will sneak in and steal my penis!
Me: ... No.
Boyfriend: It's been known to happen!
Me: No, it hasn't.

I don't think that's true...

TV: ... has weird sexual practices, the males lose their penis...
Boyfriend: Much like Republicans.

I don't EVEN want to know...

Me: Babe, are you a serious infection?
Boyfriend: Nah, I'm more of a comedic infection... like getting a cut and having it get infected with Jerry Seinfeld.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: What? It's better than dick clowns.

Can't what...?

Boyfriend: I can't anymore... not even with the penis fish...

I think chlamydia would work for that too...

Boyfriend: I dunno, I kinda like the idea of bursting in somewhere, penises blazing... you'd have to have gonorrhea though...

I doubt you can MISS them coming...

Boyfriend: Sometimes in life... swarms of giant penis gophers.
Me: *pulls up the wordpad document*
Boyfriend: I should have seen that coming... like the penis gophers.

How would that even...

TV: Why would you let erectile dysfunction get in the way...
Boyfriend: Well there are A LOT of things erectile dysfunction can get in the way of... painting, for example.

I have never wondered that...

Boyfriend: Sometimes in life, you just have to sit back, consider all your options, and wonder... 'Will my penis fit in there?' and 'Will I get it back?'

No... no I don't think it could be...

Me: *poking boyfriend's groin*
Boyfriend: Why are you poking it?
Me: I just want to make sure it's a penis.
Boyfriend: Good point, it COULD be a fiddler crab. *humps* PINCH!

Mangninsh Weekends - He;s stuck on the penis, because penis is stuck on him

Boyfriend: Well, as a wise man once said, "Mi pene es muy simpatico."
Me: So his penis was very nice?

I wasn't aware that was a length of time...

Me: Well if he isn't coming over for a bit, then I might Gundam.
Boyfriend: I don't know when he'll be over, but I'm gonna say... a dildo.
Me: *stares*
Boyfriend: And that's a metric dildo, not a standard dildo.

... Maybe?

Boyfriend: The ultimate disguise! A penis!

Mangnish Weekends - Surprisingly, he's right on both counts

Boyfriend: As a wise man once said, "Yo no quiero queso con pene."
Me: So he didn't want cheese with penis?
Boyfriend: No one does... but still that's better than 'queso del pene'.

Mangnish Weekends - The difference is, I do it on purpose.

Boyfriend: I'm sleepy.
Me: Me too.
Boyfriend: Then let's go to sleep.
Me: But mi pene es en un muneco!
Boyfriend: .... Your penis is in a doll?
Me: ... Maybe...

Mangnish Weekends - I shouldn't have to translate any of that, really...

Me: Donde esta mi pene?
Boyfriend: No es pene! Es una burro!
Me: ... I think I would have noticed that, you know.

Mangnish Weekends - Apparently he says his penis is made of cheese...

Boyfriend: Well as a wise man once said, "Mi pene es queso."
Me: You know, I wanna MEET these wise men you keep talking about.
Boyfriend: I said they were wise, I never said they were sane.

Mangnish Weekends - The late addition

Sorry guys, I flaked yesterday, so I'll post yesterday's post today... and then today's post as well. My bad.

~~~~~~~~

Me: Well, as a wise man once said, "Mi pene es muy, muy fuerte."
Boyfriend: I thought it was, "Mi pene es muy perro."
Me: ... I'm not sure WHY someone would say their penis is very dog though...

Mangnish Weekends - Suddenly... PENIS!

Me: Well as a wise man once said, "Mi pene es muy fuerte."
Boyfriend: Con guapo!
Me: ... With handsome?
Boyfriend: Exactly.