Thursday, September 30, 2010

In Groucho's name we play...

Me: *editing a Flailthrough* You keep switching tenses.
Boyfriend: Yeah, I do that.
Boyfriend's brother: Well you know, he's very tense.
Me: ... That's awful.
Boyfriend: Oh come on, we're way past tense, we're living in houses now.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

How strangely well timed

My mother lives about nine hundred miles away, give or take, just to give you a little bit of perspective with this one.

Boyfriend: Tell your mother you won't come visit unless she rents a limo.
Boyfriend's brother: A limo made of smaller limos!
Boyfriend: I want a limo made of clown cars.
Me: I want a limo made entirely out of clowns... but they all have to be facing outward.
Boyfriend: That would be the most horrifying limo ever.
Boyfriend's brother: For other people, since they're all facing out.
Boyfriend: No, because then you'd be on the side of the asses of a thousand clowns.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Sunday, September 26, 2010

That doesn't even make SENSE!

This one I think needs a bit of explanation. After Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days (which no matter what ANYONE says, with the way that is written it should either be 'three hundred fifty-eight half days', or 'three hundred fifty-eight over two days') came out, we could not help but mock it horribly for its weird title, and the fact that we can never remember it (seriously, I had to look at the box to type the title). Around the house it became known by wide variety of epithets, including Kingdom Hearts 3 tablespoons of shortening and a sack full of Etch a sketches. Even though the latest sequel, which is actually a prequal, has a relatively normal name, Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep, the damage has been done. With that in mind, enjoy!


Boyfriend: When does Kingdom Hearts Kaleidoscopic Enema Bag come out?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

He's just SO damn PUNNY!

Boyfriend: *hits me with a teddy bear*
Me: o.o ... what was that for?
Boyfriend: I had to make sure you weren't unbearable.
Me: >.< I hate you.
Boyfriend: I'm sorry, do you find my puns hard to bear?
Me: *grab my teddy bear by the head and smack him with it*
Boyfriend: Aaaah! You're beating me with your bear feet!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Boyfriend: That hurt all the way up around my head, down the other side to my hip.
Boyfriend's brother: Ah, a rainbow of pain...
Boyfriend: Yes, it was a painbow.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Truly these are words of wisdom.

Boyfriend: If you're eating Jesus Christ, then that's one holy shit the next morning.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Song parodies ahoy!

Boyfriend: *to the tune of 'Everyday'* Every day, goblins in your butt crack~!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Told you I would

So here's the second post today, to make up for me missing Sunday. Enjoy this deep thought.


Boyfriend: They call it Herpes Simplex, but really, it's quite complicated.

Woops... is it earlier enough to still count as yesterday?

Well it's still early, so I'll leave you with a thought, and then post again later today.


Boyfriend: Well as a wise man once said... Bidoof watches you sleep.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Thank you Law and Order...

Boyfriend: Ah, there's nothing like watching parents fighting over the custody of a child.

Friday, September 17, 2010


Today's quote isn't from my boyfriend, but from his brother. We all have a habit of snarking at commercial, and while I don't remember what commercial this was, it was pretty damn funny.


Boyfriend's brother: What if she's out there... watching... waiting... to collect your SCALP.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

On the subject of Pokewalkers

Boyfriend: All it does is beep and tell you you're a fat ass.

Boyfriend: You're beeping out my shame!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Um... just no

Boyfriend: I'mma rub squid in your eyebrows.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: Then they'll stick, and you'll have eyebrow squids.

Monday, September 13, 2010

What is this, I don't even.

Boyfriend: It feels like someone just suddenly poked me in the eye with the sleepy banana.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

What... do those two even have in common?

Boyfriend: I should have known it... you're secretly a zombie... or possibly a cuttlefish.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

It would?

Boyfriend: It would sound like slapping a cow with a wet slice of ham.

Friday, September 10, 2010

I don't THINK that's what that is...

Boyfriend: I'm going to try some of this V8 Blood of Australian Children.
Boyfriend's bother: O.o WHAT?
Boyfriend: V8 Splash. *takes a sip* Mm, Australian Children.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Dreams can be fun... or insane.

Boyfriend: *talking to me (and yes, I'm a girl) about a dream* If it makes you feel any better, you had a big penis.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Wait... what?

Me: I'm hungry, but I have to do dishes before I can sate that hunger.
Boyfriend: Well if it makes you feel any better, albino turtles keep poking my butt crack.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Sorry for the missed day XD;

Sorry, yesterday was busy, and it slipped my mind. Have the last of the mangled Spanish quotes to make up for it.


Boyfriend: El conquistador de la gracias.
Translation: The conqueror of the thanks.

Boyfriend: No mas gato con verde.
Translation: No more cat with green.

Boyfriend: Mi hermanos con queso.
Translation: My (singular) brothers with cheese.

Boyfriend: Los pantelones de muerte!!
Translation: The pants of death!!

Saturday, September 4, 2010


Boyfriend: No mas que ahora el gato fuego

Translation: No more what time the fire cat.

Friday, September 3, 2010


Boyfriend: Yo quiero el gato con fuego.

Translation: I want the cat with fire.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


Boyfriend: Que ahora, un tortuga?

Translation: What time, a (masculine) turtle?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


Mangled + Spanish = Mangnish

So like most people, my boyfriend knows various words in Spanish... but has absolutely no concept of grammar, syntax, or anything else that makes a language coherent. I took Spanish for three years in High School (which technically made me fluent) but because I never use it, I lost a lot of it, though I retain grammar, syntax, ect. So in a concentrated effort to drive me insane (he does this in English too) he throws together random nonsensical sentences. So please enjoy this run of crazy Spanish. I will be providing translations... and believe me, they take nothing away.


Boyfriend: Son las el pequito borro.
Me: ... They are the, female plural, the, singular male, donkey tiny.
Boyfriend's brother: *without skipping a beat* Ah, Donkey Tiny, not as popular as Donkey Kong.