Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Seriously, he avoids washing silverware like the PLAGUE!

Me: *teasing* Maybe you could hire someone that could wash the silverware for you. That way you don't have to worry about it sneaking through the house, slipping past your mom and brother, sneaking upstairs... grooming the cats a bit as it goes by... then stacking up so it can open the door, and slipping inside the room... fucking with Kohime-chan a bit because she's there and she'll be rolling around it... and then stacking up, borrowing into your bed... and then GOUGING out your eyes!
Boyfriend: You shouldn't joke about that... my friend was raped by a salad fork.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Pickle farm sounds like a euphamism...

Boyfriend: Ah the pickle farm, where pickles can roam freely... bounding rom glen to glen. Their wild horns growing unchecked, their fluffy coats...
Friend: *holding a pencil* I'm going to put this through your eye.
Boyfriend: And then there's the annual pickle shearing festival.

Monday, June 27, 2011

He doesn't tell time so well...

Boyfriend: I got up at almost six.
Me: NEAT trick, considering I got up at ten after five, and you were GONE.
Friend: Where did YOU go?
Boyfriend: Time.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Saturday, June 25, 2011

But what color IS that?

Me: *looking under the computer table* Which of these is the internet cable?
Boyfriend: It's the internet-colored one.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Crazy, fat and retarded... he's so loving...

Me: *flails hands about* Agablugablugablug!
Boyfriend: o.o
Me: I'm bored.
Boyfriend: Yeah, you ARE a little crazy.
Me: ... I said I was BORED!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

I don't like that kind of love...

Boyfriend: I don't ever want you to go anywhere, *clearly joking* even if I have to gnaw your foot off at the ankle...
Me: O.o
Boyfriend: ^^ With love~
Me: O_O
Boyfriend: I love you so much, I'll hobble you~

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Sometimes he doesn't even try

Boyfriend: It dries out the eyeballs... like a cat... in a fish... in... crazy words.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

He's been magic grinding for me in FFVI

Me: You know, you can switch between characters with the bumpers.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but it's been AGES since I last last piloted a canary into the Falkland Islands.

Monday, June 20, 2011

If you hadn't noticed, we're not Twilight fans...

Boyfriend: *looking at computer parts* Ooooooooooh, is it bad that I want this power supply because it's named 'sparkle'?
Me: Yes, yes it does.
Boyfriend: But then my power supply would be a vampire!!!!!
Me: No!
Boyfriend: A gay, gay vampire gay.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Mangnish Weekends

Me: You've been slacking on your Spanish.
Boyfriend: Mi cuando es el manos.
Me: ...
Boyfriend: El gato es un huevo!
Me: So, "My when is the (singular) hands," and also, "The cat is an egg."

Friday, June 17, 2011

"Things" is a big damn umbrella...

Boyfriend's Brother: I just loved this line from the Rodan movie, "Send us machine guns and other things!"
Boyfriend: Yeah... we sent them machine guns, a waffle iron, three tablespoons, but they're decorative tablespoon, so they're actually less than a teaspoon, a box of jello pudding cups shaped like the empire state building, twenty-seven packs of cigarettes, and Rush Limbaugh's autobiography.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Ha ha, Gundam humor

TV: It's like having a gym for your hands!
Boyfriend's brother: If I get a GM for my hand, I want a Zaku for my feet.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

More like hobgoblin

Me: My dad used to come up behind me, put his arms around my shoulders and then force me to support his weight, all the time.
Boyfriend: Because he wanted you to have back problems?
Me: Nah, because my family is made entirely out of trolls.
Boyfriend: Yeah, except your mom... who's just a goblin.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Yes, and that makes me SO weird...

Boyfriend: *pours the last of the juice in my cup, and then finishes filling it from his cup*
Me: o.o You didn't have to do that.
Boyfriend: I know, but I'll just mix and match, and I figured you might like this better since you actually have a pallet... and since you enjoy FLAVORS.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Wiser words were never spoken?

Boyfriend: Well let me go poop, and then I'll go do that.
Me: NO! No poop for you! Ever!
Boyfriend: Alright then, I'll just go gut an ostrich.
Me: o.o ...
Boyfriend: And that's why you should know all the qualifiers before you set a limitation.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Ha ha, D&D references

Boyfriend: Oh they have just roving mischeifs of mice in Australia that eat everything in a straight line... it's like being assaulted by billions of tiny tarasques.

Friday, June 10, 2011

The need to think about their products a bit more...

Boyfriend's brother: Did you see the cute thing I showed Angelique? *offers Nintendo Power* It's an Okamiden plush!
Boyfriend: That IS really cute...
Boyfriend's brother: Though as she said, the pillow is a bit disturbing.
Boyfriend: Amate-roadkill!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Words are fun

Me: What are you doing, baby?
Boyfriend: Sublimating some water off this hot sauce.
Me: ... What?
Boyfriend: Evaporating!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Seriously though, I've never even SEEN West Side Story

Me: I want a jet shark. I'd launch it at my mother.
Boyfriend: Then you could have West Side Story with just one group.
Me: ... *stare*
Boyfriend: What?
Me: ... You're gay.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

In crazy land, maybe...

Boyfriend's brother: *talking about a commercial* I thought that dog was a sheep...
Boyfriend: It could've been... sometimes dogs are sheep.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Somtimes we argue during D&D

Me: Your FACE is a cleric spell!
Boyfriend: Your MOM is a cleric spell!
Me: *snort* An inflict spell... Is there a spell that inflicts disease?
Boyfriend: Nah, it'd be 'Inflict aged whore'.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Donde esta mi pene del gato?
Me: ... It's ON the CAT, love.

Friday, June 3, 2011

I suppose anywhere on land would be...

TV: It's not an easy place to be a woman.
Boyfriend: Well it's an even HARDER place to be a mackerel.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

That wasn't it at ALL

Boyfriend's brother: Anything you want us to look for while we're out?
Me: I can't remember the name of that book...
Boyfriend: Sheep shearers of the Serengeti?

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Yet another reason why he doesn't cook...

Me: I think I'll start the chicken around noon or one, since I have to boil it off the bone, and then pick it, and everything...
Boyfriend: And gut the sheep.
Me: ... Why would I need to gut sheep for chicken and dumplings?
Boyfriend: Dumpling sheep.