Tuesday, May 31, 2011

That's certainly one interpretation of it, yes...

Me: *got a new title in Dragon Quest 9* Hooray, I'm a Supreme Spelunker!
Boyfriend: Is that your thief's achievement for getting all the poo?

Monday, May 30, 2011

Well I guess they have to check for loot EVERYWHERE...

Me: *talking about Dragon Quest 9* My thief keeps sticking her hands in the enemies' butts!
Boyfriend: They do that.
Me: Well she steals horse manure off the horses, and webbing off the spiders.
Boyfriend: Clearly your thief is into anal fisting.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: El amor de mi gato.
Me: ... The love of your cat?
Boyfriend: That or el amor de mi guapo.
Me: So... the love of your handsome, then?

Friday, May 27, 2011

Surprise duck sauce is surprising

Boyfriend: Oh!
Me: Hmm?
Boyfriend: Oh, never mind... I thought the Playstation Store might be up, since it was giving me some kind of... duck sauce.
Me: Giving you what?
Boyfriend: Duck sauce.
Me: That's what I thought you said...

Thursday, May 26, 2011

"Hi Kettle, this is Pot... you're black."

Me: *talking about a typo* God poop... that's what hail is. See, it freezes when it passes through space, and then breaks up once it hits the atmosphere, and then freezes again in the cold air.
Boyfriend: *stares*
Me: Meteorites are kidney stones ^^
Boyfriend: You're a little odd, love.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

He was rather adamant about it

Boyfriend: *stirring his yogurt with his finger*
Me: Stop fingering your yogurt.
Boyfriend: No.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

It's the beer NO ONE wants...

Me: Except the Blackjack was destroyed, so there'll just be hookers.
Boyfriend: Or hookerjack... It's liquor distilled from hookers!
Me: ... Ew...
Boyfriend: Yeah... also known as Syphilale.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Well every culture DOES have their weird vampire myth...

Me: *talking about a commercial* I don't think vampires eat pistachios.
Boyfriend: I don't think vampires have absolutely anything to do with pistachios... unless they're some kind of weird fucking Peruvian vampire.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Por una palabre con carne del gato.
Me: So... 'For a word with meat of the cat''
Boyfriend: Yes.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Isn't it in Puerto Rico?

Boyfriend: Donde esta la ciudad de carne?
Me: ... Where is the city of meat?
Boyfriend: Yep.

Friday, May 20, 2011

It's true though...

Me: Well I'm sure he's seen them in movies and on TV.
Boyfriend: And video games... and cats.
Me: ... Yes, because every cat has its own AK-47
Boyfriend: Little known fact.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

He would, too...

Me: We still have blueberries and strawberries in the fridge.
Boyfriend: We can mix them in with the garlic!
Me: NO!!!!
Boyfriend: ... I'd eat it.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Aaaah, outdated slang... what the hell do you even MEAN?

Boyfriend: So, one of the great questions of the universe... What is a flibberty, and why would you need to hang it?
Me: ......
Boyfriend: You know, 'flibbertygibbet'.
Me: ........
Boyfriend: A gibbet is where you hang people from, so a fliberty gibbet would be where you hang flibberties. I just wanted to know what one was.
Me: ..........
Boyfriend: Why?
Me: *nod*
Boyfriend: I don't know.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

That does NOT sound delicious at ALL...

Boyfriend's brother: *eating crackers and creme cheese* Well I think I'm done with these...
Boyfriend: Would you pass me the sea salt and... Caribbean toe nail?

Monday, May 16, 2011

I hate milk, so as far as I'm concerned it might as well be that anyway

Me: *talking about a commercial* Real California milk... as opposed to FAKE California milk... now whether it's fake California or fake milk, who knows...
Boyfriend: It's really just chalk in motor oil.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - Invasion of the wise men again

Boyfriend: As a wise man once said, "Vamos, mi cabeza es muy caliente!"
Me: So he said, "Let's go, my head is very hot..." You know what? I'll buy that.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Ah, thank you Malt-o-Meal Cereal...

Boyfriend's brother: It's supposed to be Super Golden Crisps. You know, the cereal with the bear that sounded like Bing Crosby?
Boyfriend: So... since this is the off-brand, would it have a badger that sounds like Al Jolson?
Boyfriend's brother: ... YES!!!!!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

It's true though...

Me: Oh, apparently Bug is super effective against Psychic.
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Me: I didn't know that... It doesn't really make sense, either.
Boyfriend: Well you know, paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and caterpillar beats Yuri Geller.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I've never really had that problem actually...

Me: I need to go shower...
Boyfriend: Good idea.. it'll keep you from turning into some kind of pirate squid.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I AM dastardly though... fiendish, even

Me: I'm so dastardly.
Boyfriend: You are.
Me: But I don't have the mustache for it.
Boyfriend: Well, we can just get you a top hat, it's the same effect.
Me: Oh WAIT! I DO have a mustache, apparently, it's just not the right kind. *glare*
Boyfriend: We'll get you some mustache wax.
Me: ... You don't LISTEN to yourself, do you?
Boyfriend: I don't listen to ANYONE, why the hell would I listen to MYSELF, especially when I KNOW I'm full of shit... Besides, I'd just end up accidentally insulting myself.

Monday, May 9, 2011

I don't even remember what we were talking about...

Boyfriend: I look at it, and my initial reaction is giant sculptures of poodles made entirely out of cream cheese.
Boyfriend's brother: I don't think that's an actual reaction to anything... or if it is, I'd like to know to what.
Boyfriend: Generally speaking, powerful hallucinogens.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Brought to you by Mother's Day... she is tan though... like old, beat up leather...

Me: *crocheting* THIS BLANKET IS MY WHITE WHAAAAAAAALE! ... So it's my mom.
Boyfriend: That's a BLINDINGLY white whale then.
Me: She's more tan than me.
Boyfriend: I dunno, I thought she was pale and translucent... like a grub.
Me: I thought she was a leather sofa.
Boyfriend: She is... she's a leather sofa made of grubs... grub leather. It's a small market.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - It's Salmonella-licious?

Boyfriend: As a wise man once said, "Mi pollo es tu muerte."
Me: ... Thank you, I needed something for this weekend.
Boyfriend: What did I say?
Me: "My chicken," as in the food, not the animal, "is your death."
Boyfriend: Ah, that makes sense then.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Words of... wisdom?

Boyfriend: Women are like parking spaces... you have to park across two in order to keep from getting your sides smashed up.
Me: .... That doesn't even make SENSE!
Boyfriend: I know, I don't know what it means either.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Part wom, part bat, all BAD ASS

Boyfriend: Ha ha, wombats.
Me: YOU'RE a wombat.
Boyfriend: Your MOM'S a wombat.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

They'd have to have the ice skates on their hands though...

Me: I'm not sure why hamsters like accordions, but it only makes sense.
Boyfriend: Just like orangutans like ice skating.
Me: Be...cause they want to die?

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

At least he stopped himself this time...

Me: *cooking* I always get WAY more green beans than I need, like ALL the time, and I never stop to think I don't need anywhere NEAR that many... *sigh* It's because I'm dumb.
Boyfriend: Aaaaw, you're not dumb...
Me: *waits a second for him to continue* I'm just big-boned?
Boyfriend: You know, I ALMOST said that.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - The difference is, I do it on purpose.

Boyfriend: I'm sleepy.
Me: Me too.
Boyfriend: Then let's go to sleep.
Me: But mi pene es en un muneco!
Boyfriend: .... Your penis is in a doll?
Me: ... Maybe...