Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Well I'm sure there are a FEW others...

Boyfriend: Your mom.
Me: Not even gonna put anything else into that?
Boyfriend: Nah, I don't see a reason to put any effort into your mom... unlike every other male on the eastern seaboard.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

How indeed...

Boyfriend: How do you record with this?
Me: Your butt.
Boyfriend: Your mom.
Me: I wasn't aware that my mom was a viable recording format.
Boyfriend: Of course she is, how else would you record mpwhore files?

Monday, August 29, 2011

I hate his puns...

Me: *playing with a paper fan* ... I don't do coy very well...
Boyfriend: Of course not, you're not a fish.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - Late update due to power outage and derp

Boyfriend: Mi pene es en el bano.
Me: Your penis is in the bathroom?
Boyfriend: Mi peine es en el gato.
Me: ... I don't think the cat likes having your comb in it.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

When Minecraft meets my mom...

Me: You can build a portal to hell... you know, in case you want to visit my mother.
Boyfriend: Nah, your mother lives in Florida, which is SIMILAR, but not QUITE it.

Friday, August 26, 2011

My life is full of bad puns

Me: Mynah birds would be more distracting.
Boyfriend's brother: With little helmets and pick axes?
Me: ... Yes, absolutely.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

I don't even know...

Boyfriend: I should be able to do this very simply... with a duck... in the butt... butt ducks... awoo ooo ooo dee dee.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Warning labels are important

Boyfriend: You're nuts.
Me: I might CONTAIN nuts.
Boyfriend: ... Apparently?
Me: I HAVE been known to eat nuts.
Boyfriend: ... I was about to say "You can't eat nuts, you're allergic to shrimp."
Me: ...
Boyfriend: Everyone knows crustaceans are a form of nut.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Love hurts... apparently

Me: *being hugged* My glasses! They've become one with the bridge of my nose!
Boyfriend: *lets go* Aw, I was only trying to suffocate you, not hurt you.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: Because I love you.

Monday, August 22, 2011

It WOULD be horrible

Me: *hugs boyfriend* I'm gonna do horrible things to you!
Boyfriend: You're gonna invite your mother over?
Me: No, that'd be doing horrible things to the whole family.

Sunday, August 21, 2011


Boyfriend: The lack of nicotine is making me want to eat everything everywhere forever.
Me: *leer* *I* got something you can eat.
Boyfriend: No you don't actually.
Me: .... *look down, look at him, look down, look at him* I did the last time I checked.
Boyfriend: Oh! I thought you meant wang.
Me: No, that'd be 'I got something you can suck on'.
Boyfriend: Ah, my mistake.

Friday, August 19, 2011

I'm not gonna try that hot sauce...

Boyfriend: My hot sauce looks like Ratatouille... and by that I mean it looks like I'm cooking a rat in a chef's hat.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Bass = musical instrument AND a fish

Boyfriend: Ah, the Ace of Bass... it's alright, but I prefer the Ace of Haddock... the Four of Smelt...
Me: Shut up.
Boyfriend: The Queen of Cod!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

It's not just him...

Me: It was like the embodiment of hate just appeared before me and jizzed in my mouth!

Monday, August 15, 2011


Boyfriend: How about Soya Saga? It's the story of the battle for the search of the best soy sauce.
Me: ... It's... the battle for the SEARCH for the best soy sauce, not the soy sauce itself?
Boyfriend: Yeah.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

How exactly DOES Alaska taste?

Boyfriend: My pants taste like Alaska.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: By that I mean I'm sleepy.

Friday, August 12, 2011

But they actually get PAID...

Boyfriend: Well as a wise man once said, "Something something something..." I forget the rest, but your mom's a whore.

Thursday, August 11, 2011


Me: Haha, now I've got you singing it.
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Me: It's catchy!
Boyfriend: Like your mom! She's catchy disease-y!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

It doesn't really...

Boyfriend: I am made out of bat zygotes.
Me: Bat zygotes?
Boyfriend: Bat zygotes.
Me: Ah... well that explains a lot.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

It's like I WANT to see that porno, but at the same time...

Me: I don't know where I was going with that sentence... "I don't you"
Boyfriend: You don't love me?!
Me: ... What?
Boyfriend: "I don't you," you don't love me!
Me: ... Sure.
Boyfriend: Aaaaaaw... now I'm gonna have to shove tiny cucumbers up your nose... and then every time you sneeze you can yell 'Pickle Tornado!'
Me: ... *stare*
Boyfriend: I heard someone yell that in a porno once.

Monday, August 8, 2011

I wouldn't watch that...

Me: Your FACE is a tv series.
Boyfriend: Your MOM is a tv series... Lifestyles of the Poor and Skanky.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Adorable or awful? You decide!

Boyfriend: Tiny turtle buttons.
Me: What?
Boyfriend: Tiny turtle buttons! Instead of buttons they're tiny turtles, and they just sit there and walk... and when you want to unbutton, they draw in their heads and legs.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

He doesn't listen so well...

Me: Am I hungry because I'm ACTUALLY hungry, or am I hungry because I just THINK I'm hungry?
Boyfriend: *from the other room* Are you hungry because the pelicans are voting Republican, or are you hungry because you think you're sad?

Friday, August 5, 2011

I am not a canine octopus

Boyfriend: *mumble mumble* walrus... No! Poodle!
Me: I didn't hear a fucking word you just said.
Boyfriend: I said you're a vicious eight-legged attack poodle.
Me: ... *Stare*
Boyfriend: But you're MY vicious eight-legged attack poodle.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I am, in fact,none of these.

Me: I love you baby.
Boyfriend: I love you too gastropod.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: Cephalopod?
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: No wait! Pseudopod!
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: Because you have false feet.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The 'Your mom' jokes never end around here.

Boyfriend: Clearly I need to start over... at life. Quick, somebody find me a reincarnation specialist!
Me: Yeah, I was about to say we needed to find a druid... But what if you come back as a kobold?
Boyfriend: Well, then I'd be interested in your mother.

Monday, August 1, 2011

I don't think it's the same...

Boyfriend: I wonder if the Japanese like Rice Crispies...
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: It's rice.