Thursday, March 31, 2011

It's true though...

Me: He doesn't think before he speaks.
Boyfriend: I try not to, because then it takes longer to talk.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Do NOT try this one at home, kids, he's crazy.

Me: My foot's still swollen...
Boyfriend: So you wanna try that bloodletting now?
Me: *stare* NO! Let's not, and never say that we did.
Boyfriend: Oh, we'll do it the sane way...
Me: If you say "with leeches" I'll hit you.
Boyfriend: No, you heat up an exacto knife on the stove, and then let it cool down, and wash the area in alcohol, then just stab it with the knife!
Me: Alright, but let's do it on YOU first.
Boyfriend: Nah, my feet are sensitive.
Me: My foot has been swollen for a WEEK and it all hurts just to TOUCH! What do you think my foot is?
Boyfriend: Big?

Monday, March 28, 2011

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - Apparently he says his penis is made of cheese...

Boyfriend: Well as a wise man once said, "Mi pene es queso."
Me: You know, I wanna MEET these wise men you keep talking about.
Boyfriend: I said they were wise, I never said they were sane.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Friday, March 25, 2011

Fun pokemon quotes!

Boyfriend: Goddamnit vultures attack me, not buffalo!


Me: You're supposed to be rare! Fuck you, and give me the flying squirrel!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The short bus...

Boyfriend: I get most of my ideas while laying under school buses.
Boyfriend's brother: That explains a lot... Laying near the exhaust pipe?
Boyfriend: Of course.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Hummus and banana bread really DON'T have much to do with each other...

Me: *looks up what tahini is upon deciding to make hummus* Oh, it's a sesame seed paste...
Boyfriend: Well we have sesame seeds.
Me: And sesame oil.
Boyfriend: Alright! Let's make banana bread!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - Wargle was the Japanese name for Braviary

Me: Who's my little Wargle?
Boyfriend: Mi pollo es un quincenera.
Me: ... Why do I talk to you?
Boyfriend's brother: *just walking in* I think I missed something.
Boyfriend: I think I just said, "My chicken is a fifteenth birthday."

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Mangnish Weekends

Me: I'm not talking to you anymore.
Boyfriend: Aaaw, mi pequito corozon.
Me: Your heart little?

Friday, March 18, 2011

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Truly these are words to live by

Boyfriend: If you ever meet a cat that doesn't give at least one whurr with every purr, then it's not a cat at all, but a badger in disguise.

Monday, March 14, 2011

That's not logic...

Boyfriend: *almost shoves a pretzel up my nose*
Me: *stare at him in horror*
Boyfriend: What? Your mouth was open, I though you wanted a pretzel shoved in it.
Me: You almost put it up my NOSE!
Boyfriend: Well your nose was open too.
Me: My nose is always open!
Boyfriend: Then it always wants pretzels shoved up it.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - Haven't you heard?

Boyfriend: Mi calavera es palabra
Me: ... I don't know what that means!
Boyfriend: Palabra means 'word' if that helps.
Me: *looks it up* "My skull is word."
Boyfriend: My bird is also word.
Me: Mi pájaro es palabra tambien.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Wait... what?

Me: I'm not talking to you anymore
Boyfriend: But if you don't talk to me, I'll turn into a calliope!
Me: ... *stare*
Boyfriend: *nods* Think about it.

Friday, March 11, 2011

I really don't think they are...

Me: *talking about Dragon Quest IX* Alright, I'm going to keep at least one of each alchemy chain root.
Boyfriend: Alright.... *looks around* Oh! Are you still selling stuff off for me?
Me: ... Yes, I've been doing it for a while now.
Boyfriend: Oh... I'd thought you'd moved on by now.
Me: No... because I LOVE YOU!!!
Boyfriend: ... Thank you, crazy lady.
Me: ... *glare*
Boyfriend: What? At least I didn't say 'mean lady'.
Me: *look away, nose in the air*
Boyfriend: You look away... but my feet are made of bacon.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Yes, yes you are

Me: Alright, so, I'm a horrible fat ass...
Boyfriend: Yes.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: .............. I meant that as in 'yes, what else are you going to say'.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: I'm dumb, aren't I?

That's not what they were...

Boyfriend: *holding out a bag of rice cakes* Caramel crab cakes?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

I don't want any of that pie...

Boyfriend: I don't think anyone's going to complain if you want to make apples. *thinks about that* I mean pie.
Me: Nah, I'm gonna make APPLES! First we need some glue.
Boyfriend: Hot glue works.
Me: Then we need something red.
Boyfriend: Alright, we'll use blood, and a ferret, because they can get into any shape.
Me: Ok, so we'll glue a ferret into an apple shape and cover it in blood.
Boyfriend: Yes.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I uh... I don't think that's how it works...

Boyfriend's brother: *talking about the game he's playing* Alright, I'm hunting antelope and it's a full moon.
Boyfriend: Because antelope only come out on the full moon, the rest of the time they're elk.... They're like werewolves.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Naw, she's not that useful...

Boyfriend: Tums spelled sideways is 'the larch'.
Me: You're FACE is a larch.
Boyfriend: Your MOM'S a larch.
Boyfriend's brother: I thought her mom was an extra larch.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Mangnish Weekends - It was a hilly weekend, apparently...

Boyfriend: Cuando cuesto mi bano?
Me: "When hill my bathroom," is what you just said.
Boyfriend: Esposa... no wait, esposo... maybe.. I don't know anymore.
Me: EsposA is wife, esposO is husband.
Boyfriend: Ah, that's good to know... I'll forget it again.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Mangnish Weekends

Me: *power leveling in Mother* Pfft, ONE starman...
Boyfriend: And as a wise man once said, "Mi cuesto perro."
Me: ... You said 'cuesto' right?
Boyfriend: Uh huh.
Me: ... So that's... "My dog hill..."

Friday, March 4, 2011

It's good for your colon!

Me: I'm gonna take some of this yogurt and put it on this piece of pie...
Boyfriend: Mmm Poop pie.
Me: ... Why do you have to ruin everything beautiful?
Boyfriend: It's a hobby of mine!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

He doesn't sound very convincing...

Boyfriend: *reaches towards my head*
Me: ... *leans away* What are you doing?
Boyfriend: Trying to love you!
Me: ... By snapping my neck?
Boyfriend: No, by grabbing your face!
Me: ... *lean away further*
Boyfriend: Because when you love someone, sometimes you just have to grab their face and shake.
Me: ......
Boyfriend: You know, you grab them good and tight, and then shake them really hard... with, you know... caring...
Me: Go away from me, creepy man.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

That would be one HELL of a quincenera...

Boyfriend: Everyone! Break out the Gumbi costumes and the cream cheese, we're having a quincenera!

It makes sense? I guess?

Me: *talking about a video game* I swear to God it sounds like she's saying "mountain ranch"
Boyfriend: That's where they grow mountains. It's a really slow process. Sometimes they get sick though, and become canyons, but you know, they find places for them. Sometimes they never get bigger than speed bumps... those are mountain eggs, you know.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

In all fairness... he's probably right.

Boyfriend: As a wise man once said, "He who lives by the puddi, dies by the puddi."
Me: *stares at him*
Boyfriend: I'll probably die by the puddi.