On People Who Don't Want To Handle Live Lobsters

Boyfriend: Dude, get over it. All of your food has been alive. Even your Cheetos. Especially your Cheetos.

No... no I don't think it could be...

Me: *poking boyfriend's groin*
Boyfriend: Why are you poking it?
Me: I just want to make sure it's a penis.
Boyfriend: Good point, it COULD be a fiddler crab. *humps* PINCH!

Those are very SPECIFIC powers there...

Me: I think my friend fell asleep.
Boyfriend: I'm pretty sure she did, or else she'd notice the crab clawing at her butt.
Me: o.o .....
Boyfriend: I'm using my special crab, butt-clawing powers.