Seriously, he avoids washing silverware like the PLAGUE!

Me: *teasing* Maybe you could hire someone that could wash the silverware for you. That way you don't have to worry about it sneaking through the house, slipping past your mom and brother, sneaking upstairs... grooming the cats a bit as it goes by... then stacking up so it can open the door, and slipping inside the room... fucking with Kohime-chan a bit because she's there and she'll be rolling around it... and then stacking up, borrowing into your bed... and then GOUGING out your eyes!
Boyfriend: You shouldn't joke about that... my friend was raped by a salad fork.

Pickle farm sounds like a euphamism...

Boyfriend: Ah the pickle farm, where pickles can roam freely... bounding rom glen to glen. Their wild horns growing unchecked, their fluffy coats...
Friend: *holding a pencil* I'm going to put this through your eye.
Boyfriend: And then there's the annual pickle shearing festival.

He doesn't tell time so well...

Boyfriend: I got up at almost six.
Me: NEAT trick, considering I got up at ten after five, and you were GONE.
Friend: Where did YOU go?
Boyfriend: Time.

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: El gato es inflado!
Me: Yes baby, the cat is inflated.

But what color IS that?

Me: *looking under the computer table* Which of these is the internet cable?
Boyfriend: It's the internet-colored one.

Crazy, fat and retarded... he's so loving...

Me: *flails hands about* Agablugablugablug!
Boyfriend: o.o
Me: I'm bored.
Boyfriend: Yeah, you ARE a little crazy.
Me: ... I said I was BORED!

I don't like that kind of love...

Boyfriend: I don't ever want you to go anywhere, *clearly joking* even if I have to gnaw your foot off at the ankle...
Me: O.o
Boyfriend: ^^ With love~
Me: O_O
Boyfriend: I love you so much, I'll hobble you~

Sometimes he doesn't even try

Boyfriend: It dries out the eyeballs... like a cat... in a fish... in... crazy words.

He's been magic grinding for me in FFVI

Me: You know, you can switch between characters with the bumpers.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but it's been AGES since I last last piloted a canary into the Falkland Islands.

If you hadn't noticed, we're not Twilight fans...

Boyfriend: *looking at computer parts* Ooooooooooh, is it bad that I want this power supply because it's named 'sparkle'?
Me: Yes, yes it does.
Boyfriend: But then my power supply would be a vampire!!!!!
Me: No!
Boyfriend: A gay, gay vampire gay.

Mangnish Weekends - He doesn't have dog...

Boyfriend: Mi perro es en fuego
Me: So your dog's on fire?
Boyfriend: Yeah.

Mangnish Weekends

Me: You've been slacking on your Spanish.
Boyfriend: Mi cuando es el manos.
Me: ...
Boyfriend: El gato es un huevo!
Me: So, "My when is the (singular) hands," and also, "The cat is an egg."

"Things" is a big damn umbrella...

Boyfriend's Brother: I just loved this line from the Rodan movie, "Send us machine guns and other things!"
Boyfriend: Yeah... we sent them machine guns, a waffle iron, three tablespoons, but they're decorative tablespoon, so they're actually less than a teaspoon, a box of jello pudding cups shaped like the empire state building, twenty-seven packs of cigarettes, and Rush Limbaugh's autobiography.

Ha ha, Gundam humor

TV: It's like having a gym for your hands!
Boyfriend's brother: If I get a GM for my hand, I want a Zaku for my feet.

More like hobgoblin

Me: My dad used to come up behind me, put his arms around my shoulders and then force me to support his weight, all the time.
Boyfriend: Because he wanted you to have back problems?
Me: Nah, because my family is made entirely out of trolls.
Boyfriend: Yeah, except your mom... who's just a goblin.

Yes, and that makes me SO weird...

Boyfriend: *pours the last of the juice in my cup, and then finishes filling it from his cup*
Me: o.o You didn't have to do that.
Boyfriend: I know, but I'll just mix and match, and I figured you might like this better since you actually have a pallet... and since you enjoy FLAVORS.

Wiser words were never spoken?

Boyfriend: Well let me go poop, and then I'll go do that.
Me: NO! No poop for you! Ever!
Boyfriend: Alright then, I'll just go gut an ostrich.
Me: o.o ...
Boyfriend: And that's why you should know all the qualifiers before you set a limitation.

Ha ha, D&D references

Boyfriend: Oh they have just roving mischeifs of mice in Australia that eat everything in a straight line... it's like being assaulted by billions of tiny tarasques.

The need to think about their products a bit more...

Boyfriend's brother: Did you see the cute thing I showed Angelique? *offers Nintendo Power* It's an Okamiden plush!
Boyfriend: That IS really cute...
Boyfriend's brother: Though as she said, the pillow is a bit disturbing.
Boyfriend: Amate-roadkill!

Words are fun

Me: What are you doing, baby?
Boyfriend: Sublimating some water off this hot sauce.
Me: ... What?
Boyfriend: Evaporating!

Seriously though, I've never even SEEN West Side Story

Me: I want a jet shark. I'd launch it at my mother.
Boyfriend: Then you could have West Side Story with just one group.
Me: ... *stare*
Boyfriend: What?
Me: ... You're gay.

In crazy land, maybe...

Boyfriend's brother: *talking about a commercial* I thought that dog was a sheep...
Boyfriend: It could've been... sometimes dogs are sheep.

Somtimes we argue during D&D

Me: Your FACE is a cleric spell!
Boyfriend: Your MOM is a cleric spell!
Me: *snort* An inflict spell... Is there a spell that inflicts disease?
Boyfriend: Nah, it'd be 'Inflict aged whore'.

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Donde esta mi pene del gato?
Me: ... It's ON the CAT, love.

I thought they bled copper... or is that just horseshoe crabs?

Boyfriend: I'm full of salt water! I'm bleeding like a crab!

I suppose anywhere on land would be...

TV: It's not an easy place to be a woman.
Boyfriend: Well it's an even HARDER place to be a mackerel.

That wasn't it at ALL

Boyfriend's brother: Anything you want us to look for while we're out?
Me: I can't remember the name of that book...
Boyfriend: Sheep shearers of the Serengeti?

Yet another reason why he doesn't cook...

Me: I think I'll start the chicken around noon or one, since I have to boil it off the bone, and then pick it, and everything...
Boyfriend: And gut the sheep.
Me: ... Why would I need to gut sheep for chicken and dumplings?
Boyfriend: Dumpling sheep.