Adorable or awful? You decide!

Boyfriend: Tiny turtle buttons.
Me: What?
Boyfriend: Tiny turtle buttons! Instead of buttons they're tiny turtles, and they just sit there and walk... and when you want to unbutton, they draw in their heads and legs.

He doesn't listen so well...

Me: Am I hungry because I'm ACTUALLY hungry, or am I hungry because I just THINK I'm hungry?
Boyfriend: *from the other room* Are you hungry because the pelicans are voting Republican, or are you hungry because you think you're sad?

I am not a canine octopus

Boyfriend: *mumble mumble* walrus... No! Poodle!
Me: I didn't hear a fucking word you just said.
Boyfriend: I said you're a vicious eight-legged attack poodle.
Me: ... *Stare*
Boyfriend: But you're MY vicious eight-legged attack poodle.

... Maybe?

Boyfriend: The ultimate disguise! A penis!

I am, in fact,none of these.

Me: I love you baby.
Boyfriend: I love you too gastropod.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: Cephalopod?
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: No wait! Pseudopod!
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: Because you have false feet.

The 'Your mom' jokes never end around here.

Boyfriend: Clearly I need to start over... at life. Quick, somebody find me a reincarnation specialist!
Me: Yeah, I was about to say we needed to find a druid... But what if you come back as a kobold?
Boyfriend: Well, then I'd be interested in your mother.

I don't think it's the same...

Boyfriend: I wonder if the Japanese like Rice Crispies...
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: It's rice.