Boyfriend: *after watching a video where a puppy falls into a shallow storm drain* That's a good boy, bring me the shiny, bring me the shiny! Just eat it, we'll get it out of your poop later... you can carry more that way. I mean, sure you'll go blind, but who cares, you're a dog.
Boyfriend's brother: We'll get you a tiny set of dark glasses.
Boyfriend: And a tiny cane to chew on... and then people will GIVE you money!