It's not just him again...

This half heard. or only seen from the corner of the eye lead to HILARITY!

~~~

Boyfriend's brother: I have no idea what brand of punch Tampico is, but out of the corner of your eye, it certainly looks like Tampon punch... and I cannot unsee.

You know... I don't remember that saying at ALL

Boyfriend: You know the old saying. Donkey showers bring May flowers.

Mangnish Weekends - Your questions don't help anything!

Boyfriend: Poor queso de la muerte.
Me: Poor cheese of the death, you know that's what you just said, right?
Boyfriend: *shrug* So should it be 'queso con muerte'?
Me: Cheese with death?
Boyfriend: How do you say 'of'?
Me: You just did the first time!
Boyfriend: Yeah, so 'queso de muerte'.

Mangnish Weekends - Your questions don't help it make sense!

Boyfriend: Me gusta del gato de la bano.
Me: Do you even want to know HALF of what is wrong with that?
Boyfriend: Con carne! No, wait! Con fuego. THAT'S what I meant.
Me: So... it just went from "I like of the cat of the bathroom," to "I like of the cat of the bathroom, with fire."
Boyfriend: Es muy fuerte!
Me: *facepalm* ... "is very strong."

This is WHY I wear the headphones...

Me: *see boyfriend talking and pull off headphones* What?
Boyfriend: Throw a whip at a can of badger cream.
Me: o.o
Boyfriend: You picked the wrong time to ask 'what' didn't you?

What is it with you and everything working for Satan?

Boyfriend: What the hell is wrong with those kids? It's a SPIDER! They're not adorable, they're Satan's minions!


~~~~

Bachuru does not agree, sir.

(I don't know who drew that, so if it was you, much props. I found it on 4chan)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Boyfriend's brother: *talking about what's going on in Batman* Really, it sounds more like something Tony Stark would do.
Me: Well there you go. Bruce Wayne is actually still dead, it's just Tony Stark in a Bruce Wayne suit.
Boyfriend: Yes it's Brucey Stark Wayne... Tone.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend's brother: *snigger*
Boyfriend: TURKEY STOAK!

Nah... but that would be funny.

Me: *playing Pokemon Green, yelling at a trainer* Fuck you! You're ugly and nobody loves you!
Boyfriend: Your mom's in the game?

You know, I can't blame him for his choice.

Me: You realize there's going to be a price for this banana bread, right?
Boyfriend: Yes.
Me: Do you know what it is?
Boyfriend: *sadly* My soul.
Me: ... I was going to say I'd need you to wash the dishes I used to make the pie.
Boyfriend: ... Can't you just take my soul instead?

Sometimes you feel like a nut... sometimes you're uncertain.

Sorry guys, I seem to have forgotten to post yesterday, I'll do two today to make up for it.

~~~~~

Me: *glaring at the walnut I'm trying to get the meat out of* I hate you!
Boyfriend: You're so mean me to me!
Me: ... I was talking to the walnut.
Boyfriend: I thought you were talking to me.
Me: ... I'm glaring right at the walnut!
Boyfriend: Maybe I'm a walnut.
Me: ... ARE you a walnut?
Boyfriend: Maybe.

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Manos el rojas.
Me: *absently* Yes, hands the red.
Boyfriend: ... Wasn't that Gung-Ho Gun?

Mangnish Weekends - I don't think he's even trying anymore.

Boyfriend: Manos arriba!
Me: ... Hands quickly... Really?

Oh yeah, well that explains it...

Boyfriend: Burt Reynolds is hard to kill, like cockroaches and muttonchops.
Me: I wasn't aware muttonchops were particularly hard to kill.
Boyfriend: Well, they're actually a form of cancer.

Oh, thaty explains... well... NOTHING really...

Boyfriend: Little known fact, everyone named Chet is a servant of the devil.
Me: ... WHUT?
Boyfriend: People named Chet are the legion of the Satan.
Me: .......
Boyfriend: You'll believe when the armies of Chet conquer the world, and enslave us, and force us to make cookies until we die!

How does that even work?

Boyfriend: I'm gonna go poop myself a new liver!

You'd think I beat him, or something...

Boyfriend: I had a pimple in my mouth!
Me: Are you sure it wasn't herpes?
Boyfriend: ... yes.
Me: Good, because then I'd want to now where the FUCK you got it.
Boyfriend: Me too, since I'm not even going bald.
Me: ... What?
Boyfriend: *grins* Hair piece!
Me: .... >.< *GLARE*
Boyfriend: OW!!! You're trying to kill me with your mind! OW!!!!!!

Why... would he even think that?

Boyfriend: *talking about a timer* It beeped.
Me: *nods*
Boyfriend: *after a few seconds* It beeped! Did you hear it beep?
Me: Yes, I heard it! *gets up*
Boyfriend: Sorry! You had headphones on, and I wasn't sure if you were trying to kill me.

Mangnish Weekends - I don't even want to KNOW how they mine that...

Boyfriend: Son las oro del gato!
Me: ... They are the gold of the cat.

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Grande cajones de fuego!
Me: Nuts big of fire?
Boyfriend: Great balls of fire!

We have SUCH a loving relationship...

Me: *watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre* Baby... I love you from the very bottom of my heart...
Boyfriend: Why are you so mean to me?
Me: *stare* ANYWAY *points at the tv* If we were ever in a situation like that, and I escaped... I would NOT go back for you.
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah, totally.

What? That's what they make glue from...

Boyfriend: I found out how to make Elmer's glue!
Me: Neat! Do you have to boil a horse?

It's just a little late, it's still god, it's still good!

I meant to post this last Monday, but... well I forgot, so sue me. It's still funny though.

~~~~~

Me: What'cha doing?
Boyfriend: Resizing pokemon images. I'd only done up to week four, but since tomorrow starts week five, now it's an issue.
Me: *ironically* Hahahahahah, I see what you did thar!
Boyfriend: ... o.o I... DIDN'T do anything there...
Me: ... >.> It sounded like you did...

He mocks my memory problems.

Me: I don't see what's so hard to understand about that... um... whatever your name is...
Boyfriend: *smiles* That's ok, Phil.

I think he MIGHT have failed his anatomy class...

Me: I'mma eat you.
Boyfriend: Nooooo! My grahfloobie!
Me: ... What part of the body is THAT?!
Boyfriend: It's the part with four eyes... and an extra nose.

Discworld reference ftw!

Me: *talking about an actor* There's not too much ham in his Hamlet. It's JUST right.
Boyfriend: Well at least there's not too much Om in his omelet... because then it'd be a tiny god.

It's not just him again...

For those of you that care, or want context, I'm playing Pokemon Green for the weekend feature on our sister blog: http://flailthroughs.blogspot.com/ This conversation stemmed from that. Enjoy.

~~~~

Me: I still need to level up my Slowdick.
Boyfriend's brother: ......
Boyfriend: ......... WHAT?!
Me: ... Slowpoke! I was trying to say 'Slowpoke' and 'that dickhead' at the same time.
Boyfriend: Well done!

He's SO specific...

Boyfriend: Where's the thing? I need something to get this off.
Me: The scissors are over there.
Boyfriend: Nah, I need something that can rend and tear... human flesh!

Mangnish Weekends - This is the other half of the earlier conversation

Boyfriend: Licorice es muy bien!
Me: <.< Licorice es disgusto.
Boyfriend: No es disgusto! Es fuego!
Me: ... 'No is disgusting. Is fire'... What's wrong with you?

Mangnish Weekends - I stand by what I said!

Boyfriend's brother: There are two pieces of licorice left, do you want them?
Me: Licorice es el queso del diablo.
Boyfriend's brother: ... Licorice is the cheese of the devil?
Me: YES!

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Me gusta son fuego!
Me: *facepalm*
Boyfriend's bother: What did he say?
Me: "I like they are fire."

Where are the nutritional facts for that?

Boyfriend: Murdering is good for you. It's got Niacin in it.

Truer words were... often spoken, probably

Boyfriend: Sometimes in life, you gotta poke a dead hooker with a spork.

Somtimes we break the fourth wall...

Boyfriend: *to the tune of Norwegian Wood* Isn't it good~ Norwegian whooores~
Me: >.< Why do you keep making noise?!
Boyfriend: *grins* Because now we have a website dedicated to it!

Don't get me wrong, I like the manga, but...

Me: *mocking Naruto* "My left eye is ready for battle!" What?!
Boyfriend's brother: My right pinky toe would rather stay home, but what can you do?
Boyfriend: My liver wants to play video games.
Me: My spleen wants to take hula lessons!
Boyfriend's dad: Oh never listen to your spleen, it's tricky.

It's not just him again...

I come from a long line of crazy people, and this gem was actually donated by my father when I was talking to him about net speak. Enjoy!

~~~~

Dad: Sooo... the path that a message takes on the Internet... would that be the... Intercourse???
Me: ... YES!!!!!!!!!!!

He doesn't take being corrected well.

Boyfriend: We'll just have to remove the electric tape.
Me: That's duct tape, my love.
Boyfriend: We'll just have to remove the electric ducks.

What... what does this have to do with anything?

Me: It's like I keep telling you, fuck you, I'm funny.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but I'm French.
Me: ... What?
Boyfriend: No wait, not French... a poodle.
Me: ...
Boyfriend: Wait... a poodle is French too. Damn.

And now for something completely different.

These are surprisingly wise words, and this jewel is actually one of the best extended metaphors I've ever heard. Enjoy.

~~~

Boyfriend: Everyone's been through shit at one point or another in their lives. The trick is to not spread it around. You get a paper towel, you clean up, and you throw it away. But if you go through shit and then go "Huh, I think I'm just gonna spread this everywhere," then you need to be taken outside, because you're not ready to play with the rest of society.