And now that we're back on schedule...

TV: The man suffered from two broken ribs, and a broken hand...
Boyfriend: And four broken feet.
Boyfriend's brother: Well they weren't all his.
Boyfriend: No, they were just what was found around and inside him after the crash.

Mangnish Weekends - The late addition

Sorry guys, I flaked yesterday, so I'll post yesterday's post today... and then today's post as well. My bad.

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Me: Well, as a wise man once said, "Mi pene es muy, muy fuerte."
Boyfriend: I thought it was, "Mi pene es muy perro."
Me: ... I'm not sure WHY someone would say their penis is very dog though...

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Son gato es muy Sabado con fuerte!
Me: They are cat is very Saturday with strong.

It's true though...

Boyfriend: *talking about planes* Remember, in the event of a water landing, your ass might become a hat.

I think his facts are flawed...

Me: *referencing something on tv* Ah a burning ring of fire.
Boyfriend's brother: I hate falling into those.
Boyfriend: Well at least isn't not a burning ring of glass shards and cow manure.
Me: ...
Boyfriend: That was the original name of the song, but it wasn't nearly as catchy

Wait, what? Who wears bloomers anymore?

Me: There's something about a purring cat right here *holds hand next to head* that's like vallium.
Boyfriend: Poor kaleidoscope bloomers, you were sleepy!

Oh the puns... the horrible, horrible puns

Me: They were shallots.
Boyfriend: Ah yes, half onion, half spider.
Me: .... *stare*
Boyfriend: You know that book... Shallot's Web.

Neither do we.

Me: *to boyfriend* Whatever you say, crazy lady.
Boyfriend: Oh yeah, so says the craziest of crazy crazy ladies... crazy... with a side of Mufasa.
Me: ... *stare*
Boyfriend: ... I don't know what that means!

Mangnish Weekends - I'm not sure if it really matters

Boyfriend: Es un papi el muerta.
Me: "Is a father the dead"... was that a question?
Boyfriend: Statement.
Me: Ah... kay.

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Por cuando esta mi esposa?
Me: 'For when is my wife'?

Canary and crabs are similar?

Boyfriend: Canary bread, how much crab meet does that call for?

I didn't get any context either.

Boyfriend: Dude, I think our neighbor fucked the Moody Blues.

Truly this person is metal.

Video game: You have a heart of gold...
Boyfriend: And a liver of cadmium.

I uh... I don't think that's how it worked...

Me: Oh GOD that litter box SMELLS!
Boyfriend: Yeah... and that's why we have Easter.
Me: ... What?
Boyfriend: The rabbits pooped so much Jesus rose from the dead to escape the smell.
Me: ... Stop talking.

Truly wise words for our time

Boyfriend's brother: When a monkey offers you a soda, do not accept, Confucius say.

Truly words of video game wisdom

Boyfriend: Spinning in circles is the answer to most of life's questions.

Mangnish Weekends - At least I'm not the only one he says this shit to

Boyfriend: Queso con manos!
Friend: Cheese with hands?

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Cuando esta mi mustachio, por favor?
Me: *stare* ... When is my mustache, please?

What religion would that even be?

Boyfriend's brother: *talking about Solid Snake in MGS4* He's Captain Beefheart with an eye patch in Romulan long johns.
Boyfriend: The same can be said of all religions.
Boyfriend's brother: I wish.

Sometimes the derp eats you

Me: *looks sadly at my empty cup*
Boyfriend: Cups make you sad.
Me: Empty ones.
Boyfriend: What do you want to drink?
Me: I dunno, surprise me...
Boyfriend: *troll face*
Me: ... No wait, DON'T! I want strawberry peach juice!
Boyfriend: Oh good, because I was going to bring you a big icy cup of bacon.

It's true though...

Guy on The X-files: *after having sex with some chick* But... I don't even know your name!
Boyfriend: It's Slithers McMonsterVagina!
Me: Well no, it seems she poisoned him or something... so it's Slithers McPlagueVagina.
Boyfriend: Like your mom!
Me: Aaaaw.... yeah...

That doesn't help, you know...

Me: *watching Mr. Peanut commercial* Those are creepy.
Boyfriend: What? The peanut people?
Me: Yeah.
Boyfriend: You're eating his unwanted babies!

And he wonders why he sounds insane...

Boyfriend: *looking at this site* Every time I look at this site, I think it makes me look like a lunatic.
Me: Well it's not 'Perfectly Sane and Reasonable Shit My Boyfriend Says'.
Boyfriend: Nor is it 'Pudding That Will Fly in From the South for Winter'.
Me: ... *stare*
Boyfriend: Birds fly south, pudding flies north.

Mangnish Weekends - he makes my head hurt...

Boyfriend: Son gato de la pantelones, de diablo.
Me: Would you like to know exactly what you just said?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Me: What you said was, "They are cat of the (singular) pants of devil."
Boyfriend: So it should have been "Yo soy gato del pantelones CON diablo."
Me: Do you realized that all you did was change "They are" to "I am" and "of" to "with"?
Boyfriend: Oh, well, I should have gone with the first one then... Ah well, es muyo bueno.
Me: No baby, es muy malo.
Boyfriend: It's very blue?
Me: ... *stare*
Boyfriend: Well it was either going to be that or "It's very Wednesday."

Mangnish Weekends - You sure did, Philip

Boyfriend: Mi pene esta mi esposa!
Me: ... Did you just say what I THINK you said?
Boyfriend: Mi Pene esta mi esposa.
Me: .....
Boyfriend: Did I just say my penis is my wife?

They would make your ears fluffy though...

Me: Oops, I forgot Q-tips...
Boyfriend: o.o Did you say you forgot rabbit tips?
Me: *stare* ... No. I said I forgot Q-tips!

Some people shouldn't use imagery

Me: *making a shopping list* Oh they have cat fish nuggets on sale, but since the grease made you ill, we should skip them.
Boyfriend: o.o No, no, I'm FINE with that, get them!
Me: ... But the grease made you SICK!.
Boyfriend: Yes, they made my stomach hurt, but later, I pooped a tornado.
Me: o.o ...
Boyfriend: In a swirl... houses falling down...
Me: ... Stop talking.

Why not a jackalope?

Boyfriend: More and more in life, I'm wondering if I'm turning into some kind of deer... or elk.
Me: ... Why is that?
Boyfriend: Because I'll be doing something, and then hear or noise or something, and I'll stop what I'm doing, peer around for a couple moments, and then go back to what I'm doing.
Me: ... That's more a mere cat thing.
Boyfriend: Can't I be a mere cat with antlers? I mean, I really just want the antlers... A merealope! I can be a merealope!

Apparently ducks make bunnies fertile?

Me: *playing FF6* Apparently these bunnies are full of potions... but I guess that makes sense, since you can hide ANYTHING in all that lettuce.
Boyfriend: Yeah, really the only thing you can do with a bunny is check to make sure you aren't pregnant.
Me: ... YOU aren't pregnant? Why would YOU be pregnant?
Boyfriend: Ducks.
Me: ... Ducks in general?
Boyfriend: And in specific.