That's some pretty accurate math though...

Some cop show: Mental problems PLUS alcohol...
Boyfriend: Mental problems plus alcohol equals family reunion.

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Es una favora a mi burro.
Me: You know you said, 'Is a favor to my donkey,' right?
Boyfriend: Yes.
Me: Ok.

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Los hermanos de la queso rapido!
Me: Alright, what you said was, "The brothers of the rapid cheese," but specifically you said, "The brothers of the (female) fast (male) cheese," which is male.

Sad but true...

Boyfriend's brother: *talking about a toy* It's got weird issues, and it's loose like happens when you use a mold too many times...
Boyfriend: *looks at me brightly* Like your mom!

I'm STILL not sure how that would help...

Me: My nose hurts.
Boyfriend: Aaaaaw, would it make you feel any better if I scratched your back?
Me: Not really, but a back scratch would feel FANTASTIC.
Boyfriend: Well the other option was going to include squids...
Me: Why does EVERYTHING include squids with you?
Boyfriend: Well... they could get up your nose...

Forty-leven means a number too large to count.

Boyfriend: Made from the feathers of forty-'leven sheep...
Me: ... Did you just say 'made from the feathers of forty-'leven SHEEP'?!
Boyfriend: Sheep feathers are the most rare and soft...

I don't want to find that pot of gold...

Boyfriend: My sinuses contain a rainbow!

I don't think that would work...

Me: I need a writing stick.
Boyfriend: Quick! Use the cat!

Mangnish Weekends - You know, considering that she IS a cat, that kinda works...

Boyfriend: Mona es la conquistedor de leche!
Me: Yes, 'Mona is the conqueror of milk.'

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: La muerto de muchos gracias!
Me: ... 'The I die of much thanks'.

I'm not even sure how you WOULD feed your DS...

Boyfriend's brother: You should never feed your DS after midnight.
Boyfriend: Or else it'll turn into a hobgoblin and steal ALL your toenails!!

I blame Get Fuzzy

Me: Ooh, a recipe for cranberry nut bread!
Boyfriend: How much crab meat does it call for?
Me: None it looks like.
Boyfriend's brother: Yeah, it's not blueberry muffins, no crab meat needed.

Who says that?!

Boyfriend: As a wise man once said, never take a cucumber from a wombat.

So if you're keeping score, this is fat, crazy, and now retarded that he's called me...

Me: *leans over and bites boyfriend on shoulder*
Boyfriend: *laugh* That's funny, because I was just reading a story about a retard biting someone too.
Me: ............ *stare*
Boyfriend: .... *blink* Oh, no, I don't think YOU'RE a retard.

He's just SO sincere...

Me: I love you.
Boyfriend: I love you too, crazy lady.
Me: I thought I wasn't crazy, I was just big-boned... you remember, when you called my crazy AND fat?
Boyfriend: Aaaw, that wasn't what I meant. I just meant that your crazy bone was big... I don't know what that means, but I meant it.

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Yo soy barquito!
Me: Yes, 'I am small boat'.

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: El bano con guapo habenero
Me: So... "The bathroom with habenero handsome'?
Boyfriend: Es muy silencio!
Me: ... and it's very silent, apparently.

He doesn't actually THINK, if you haven't noticed...

Boyfriend: *talking to the cat, who is laying on a shirt* Aw, you're gonna have to get up Mona. I know you think it's her shirt, but it's really my shirt, and I brought it up to wear it.
Me: *blinks* That IS my shirt.
Boyfriend: *looks at the shirt, looks at me* Wow, I didn't know you were THAT fat, love.
Me: O_____________________O
Boyfriend: It's a 5x.
Me: O______________________________O
Boyfriend: ... I said something stupid.

That makes SO much sense... except not...

Me: I'm gonna bite you.
Boyfriend: Noooooo...
Me: *bites him*
Boyfriend: Oh my god, you bit me~!
Me: I told you I would... *teasing* why don't you ever believe me?
Boyfriend: Well if I believed you, then I'd have to turn into a lobster.
Me: ... What?
Boyfriend: If I believed you were telling me the truth, then I'd have to turn into a lobster, because... well, the lobster of truth.

In which we piss off TWO fandoms...

Me: You know what I can't figure out? If he's an AIR bender, why does he get to use all the other powers too?
Boyfriend: Because he's the last of his people, that's why he's the LAST airbender.
Me: That has nothing to do with my question! If he's an AIRbender why is he using ALL the other elements, he shouldn't be able to! He should just use AIR!
Boyfriend: Because he's the reincarnation of the founder of all the ninja clans, that means he gets to use all their techniques.
Me: Oooooooh... So does he have an arm full of eyes? ... No wait, that was Danzo.
Boyfriend: No, he's the one with the spinny eyes... Yeah, he's Mr. Spinny Eyes.

Don't look at me, I don't get ANY of that reference.

Boyfriend: Eric Estrada is just waiting for the sweet, sweet embrace of death. He wonders why it came for his career, but didn't take him with it. At night he just lays in bed, petting the helmet from his C.H.I.P.S. uniform and cries. When he gets up in the morning sometimes he puts on the costume from the show and gets on his motorcycle, only it isn't really his motorcycle, it's an old schwin bicycle that he thinks is the state trooper bike from the show. It's fine until he gets on the freeway and tries to pull people over, but he just pedals and pedals as fast as he can, but in spite of pedaling his little heart out, he can never catch them. The real state troopers find him eventually, but they don't even bother to arrest him, they just take the handles and walk him home. after that he just sits in the closet and sniffs hair gel until he passes out.

God, I hope not...

Boyfriend: I'm full of ham right now, ANYTHING could come out of my mouth!

(Sorry about the lack of fish pictures.)

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Donde llamo leche?
Me: ... 'Where I call milk'? What the hell is WRONG with you?!

Mangnish Weekends

Boyfriend: Soy queso es muy gusto!
Me: ... 'I'm cheese is very I like'?

You know, I have NEVER actually had that thought in my life.

Me: You know, I just thought of something...
Boyfriend: Donkeys are actually made of canaries?

True story.

Boyfriend: Someone once bet me I couldn't find a goat, 30 feet of chicken wire and bolt cutters in one night. They lost.

One of these things is not like the other.

Me: *pinch boyfriend's arm*
Boyfriend: You make my mouse fly across the screen.
Me: That's ok, mice like to fly.
Boyfriend: Are you sure you're not thinking of pigeons? Or golden retrievers?

I like how THEY knew exactly what they were talking about.

Boyfriend: There's a package on the table. It's from Russian Trouts.
Boyfriend's brother: Ah, so it's probably for Mom.
Me: o.o Russian trouts?
Boyfriend: Toys R Us.

It does NOT take memos... reports of the latter option unconfirmed.

Me: My left side hurts from my lower back down, and my right knee and hip hurt.
Boyfriend: Aaaaw, poor clerical butt!
Me: ... *stare*
Boyfriend: It takes memos.
Me: *stare*
Boyfriend: Or heals the injured, I haven't decided.

Mangnish Weekends - Your questions don't help it make sense!

Boyfriend: Peligro con gracias!
Me: 'Danger with thanks'?
Boyfriend: Oh, so it should have been 'peligro con gato'?
Me: ... Yeah, danger with cat, THAT'S it.

Mangnish Weekends - But first an inspirational message for the New Year!

Boyfriend's brother: I have a twinkle in my step, and a spring in my eye... ow.

~~~~~~~~

And now back to our regularly scheduled crazy.

~~~~~~~~


Boyfriend: As a wise man once say, "My llamo peine".
Me: And his name was Comb.